(Poetry) For Garou

My Angel

I love you and I don't ask why
For who would truly question love
Something inside of your heart
Found something inside of my life
Perhaps when I was in the darkness
Unsure of things within my life
I needed something to set me free
Pull my direction from the darkness
In the back of my quiet mindlessness
The sound of your voice filled my ears
Bringing me from the ache to your song
I wonder often what is real to you
Where your trust falls in your life
Who you think is real surrounding you
It must be hard being you at times
I wonder about the things you love
What makes life real and grounds you
I am unashamed of love and honesty
So thank you for your selfless heart
The song within you that we all share
The universe that you walk within
I wish you joy and love always
Your song will always be my smile
How can I not love you for that
You make me smile when all else fails

XOXO,
Gloria

Some thoughts

I ask why? I smile and ask why and it feels like I am spitting in the face of God. Right now today I am on this earth and have come through surgery and fighting cancer and I ask why? I don't have any answers no epiphany telling me some grand reason why I am here yet I ask why. Then I think how dare I ask when I should just believe that I am is enough. Obesity is my shadow my addiction and so I write my way around all of the things I have allowed it to take from me. I was a chubby kid that made poor choices and I am this obese person who asks why. I write into pretty poetry the person I should be living. The children I would have adored I robbed myself of being so overweight. The places and things I have written about are my variety of fantasy that I have never done. I write love from imagination not reality and I ask why. Why do so many people die of cancer and I am still here. Grateful beyond a shadow of a doubt to still be here but why? I ache to be normal but what is normal? I ache to live what I write and I feel powerless to change me and I ask why? Am I a joke and some cruel experiment in how much can one person question their own self? I don't get it and my words are a double edged sword and haven and a hell for me to hide in and still begs the question why? This is by no means a pity party I just am stumbling through the dark trying to find it all out before it is to late. I want to live my words not write them in what feels like endless lies because I have not lived a single word. So perhaps I should be asking why not?

(Poetry) Autumn

Autumn

The first brush of autumn
Falls its kiss across my cheek
Sending a tiny shiver of air
To tingle through my spirit
Watching leaves flitting by
In the colors of burnished fire
Golden, red, orange leaves
Turned from summer green
The crunch of waning summer
In leaves beneath my footfall
The hint of winter chill to come
Predicting lace like future snow
The flavors of autumn memories
Warm cider and harvest wines
Kiss the warm days goodbye
Tuck the summer nights away
Snuggle closer to a secret lover
Gazing up at the harvest moon
The sweet crisp days of autumn
Whisking me up in its breeze

(C)Angel Hart Poetry
Sunday, September 18, 2011

Remembering 9 11

.The quiet of nearly one in the morning feels early still tonight. When I fall asleep at some point and awaken it will be a day where all of the people in NYC and around the entire United States awaken and will take a moment to think about what they were doing on nine eleven ten years ago. I was on a bus going to work listening to a recording that a dear friend had sung for me in a NYC cabaret bar the few days before as a birthday gift. The batteries were fading on my walkman so I switched to radio and remember hearing one of the twin towers had been hit by a plane. I remember thinking that it was a horrible way for a morning show to do some stupid radio stunt. As the bus rounded the corner to my job I saw kids outside by the dozens which is uncommon since normally the grounds are kept clear of the students to either enter the building or exit the area for the day and get them safety on the buses headed home. The students saw me and told me the second of the towers were hit by another plane and then respectively fell as time seemed to move at a surreal pace. Parents came to pick up children at a frantic pace after that to be sure that their children were safe. The day was spent connecting children to parents and easing students minds. I got home to get all of the details on TV and sat in horror glued to my television unable to look away until I felt numb from it all. In the days that followed planes were silenced over the skies and it felt like the world had stopped and become one collective part of this act of terror. I came to find out afterwards that the boy that lived around the corner from me who was at that time a grown man, father and husband was one of those who perished on that day. We played as children on carefree childhood days with him rolling on the grass of summer, snowball fights in winter and now he was silenced leaving a family behind forever. Everyone has a story of that day be it where you were at the time or the loss of someone. In honor of all those who died I say a prayer for those lost and all of us left behind to try to understand or at least feel some peace if one can from this senseless act of violence. To those who are gone rest in peace and for those of us who remember celebrate life where others can no longer do so. Love in the end for me is what I pray for and for the angels that reside in heaven now that watch over those they had to part from on nine eleven.

(For Edward Disimone III and every soul lost on 9-11)

Where angels watch over us
From a place of peace and love
Although tragedy fell down
Lives lost, memories forged
Live each breath for love taken
For those who watch over us
Each soul remembered today
We go on for all those lost
Cherishing life and memories
Forever heart prints in heaven

Rest in peace the souls of 9 11

Love, honesty and trust

Lessons learned over the course of my life for me thus far have been this...

Love no matter how many times it feels like circumstances are conspiring to drain the life out of love from your heart. Everyone is going to feel the backlash of being hurt but if you allow it to change who you are and how you love then that which injured your heart will have taken something from you. It is the foolish of us and not the fool to allow another person to rob you of a part of who you are. Love enough to say it and not wait for the grave to regret it. Even if it is not reciprocated if it is within you to express the sentiment it still possesses infinite possibility.

Honesty above and beyond all else save love is my credo. For me honesty is next to God if you are deceitful it is the foundation by which trust begins for me. Lies that fall from liars lips drink not of the same poison that they sip. A liar to me burns away anything i can ever feel for a person again. How do you put love and trust into someone who approaches life with an insincere heart.

Trust is something often hard to offer for people out of a sense of vulnerability, being burned, a multitude of scenarios. Then there is the ability above and beyond all else to trust in ones self, to believe in your own heart enough to say to hell with what people will think of you. Knowing enough about you to put your heart out there for the sake of not having missed opportunities. This one is a big one for me putting trust in my own heart enough to know that if I put me out there I can get burned, rejected, stared at in disbelief out some of the ore outrageous things I believe in enough to say them. The flip side of trust in ones self and just being unafraid that your words, your sincerest heart will be rejected is the fact that when you are sincere, honest and expressing something to another human being from your heart even if they are not sure where it is coming from I find that looking directly into someone's eyes they can suddenly just feel what you are trying to express.

So that is my ramble for the day. I refuse to live any moment of my life saying I should have done that or said that or felt that. God bless and much love going out into the universe.

XOXO!

Have a great day...

The sweetest days of summer skies
The smile as bright as love inside
The secret things we don't confide
To know the truth from the lies
Each day a blessing to live to feel
The moments that make us who we are
Wishing wistfully on a falling star
Capturing experiences that make us real

Have a blessed day!

Reaching for the light

Remove the shroud of darkness from my eyes and allow real light inside not just a diminished perception of what true light can be.
Take down the veil of secrecy that surrounds my heart the part of me that only the most honest of people get to see.
Who dares to tread near enough to touch my heart then rob me slowly of my trust and thieve pieces of my spirit.
I cast you out from my consciousness as I would some hidden demon robbing me slowly of my soul and from the light.
Dare I invest in believing that I am strong enough to even overcome my own self, my own ridicule that I hold my life up to.
Is each new day a gift to say I have choices to remain in the dark or open my eyes to the blinding light of truly living.
Forget the infinite deceitful darkness and dance smiling like a wistful child arms outstretched rebelling against the dark in the light.
Happy tears of release falling like heavens tears across my downtrodden cheek at last knowing that the day is a blessing.
Tears forged through the darkness onto my cheeks, light drying my tears and feeling the sun while the shadows are burned away to feel alive again.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011