Some thoughts

I ask why? I smile and ask why and it feels like I am spitting in the face of God. Right now today I am on this earth and have come through surgery and fighting cancer and I ask why? I don't have any answers no epiphany telling me some grand reason why I am here yet I ask why. Then I think how dare I ask when I should just believe that I am is enough. Obesity is my shadow my addiction and so I write my way around all of the things I have allowed it to take from me. I was a chubby kid that made poor choices and I am this obese person who asks why. I write into pretty poetry the person I should be living. The children I would have adored I robbed myself of being so overweight. The places and things I have written about are my variety of fantasy that I have never done. I write love from imagination not reality and I ask why. Why do so many people die of cancer and I am still here. Grateful beyond a shadow of a doubt to still be here but why? I ache to be normal but what is normal? I ache to live what I write and I feel powerless to change me and I ask why? Am I a joke and some cruel experiment in how much can one person question their own self? I don't get it and my words are a double edged sword and haven and a hell for me to hide in and still begs the question why? This is by no means a pity party I just am stumbling through the dark trying to find it all out before it is to late. I want to live my words not write them in what feels like endless lies because I have not lived a single word. So perhaps I should be asking why not?

(Poetry) Autumn

Autumn

The first brush of autumn
Falls its kiss across my cheek
Sending a tiny shiver of air
To tingle through my spirit
Watching leaves flitting by
In the colors of burnished fire
Golden, red, orange leaves
Turned from summer green
The crunch of waning summer
In leaves beneath my footfall
The hint of winter chill to come
Predicting lace like future snow
The flavors of autumn memories
Warm cider and harvest wines
Kiss the warm days goodbye
Tuck the summer nights away
Snuggle closer to a secret lover
Gazing up at the harvest moon
The sweet crisp days of autumn
Whisking me up in its breeze

(C)Angel Hart Poetry
Sunday, September 18, 2011

Remembering 9 11

.The quiet of nearly one in the morning feels early still tonight. When I fall asleep at some point and awaken it will be a day where all of the people in NYC and around the entire United States awaken and will take a moment to think about what they were doing on nine eleven ten years ago. I was on a bus going to work listening to a recording that a dear friend had sung for me in a NYC cabaret bar the few days before as a birthday gift. The batteries were fading on my walkman so I switched to radio and remember hearing one of the twin towers had been hit by a plane. I remember thinking that it was a horrible way for a morning show to do some stupid radio stunt. As the bus rounded the corner to my job I saw kids outside by the dozens which is uncommon since normally the grounds are kept clear of the students to either enter the building or exit the area for the day and get them safety on the buses headed home. The students saw me and told me the second of the towers were hit by another plane and then respectively fell as time seemed to move at a surreal pace. Parents came to pick up children at a frantic pace after that to be sure that their children were safe. The day was spent connecting children to parents and easing students minds. I got home to get all of the details on TV and sat in horror glued to my television unable to look away until I felt numb from it all. In the days that followed planes were silenced over the skies and it felt like the world had stopped and become one collective part of this act of terror. I came to find out afterwards that the boy that lived around the corner from me who was at that time a grown man, father and husband was one of those who perished on that day. We played as children on carefree childhood days with him rolling on the grass of summer, snowball fights in winter and now he was silenced leaving a family behind forever. Everyone has a story of that day be it where you were at the time or the loss of someone. In honor of all those who died I say a prayer for those lost and all of us left behind to try to understand or at least feel some peace if one can from this senseless act of violence. To those who are gone rest in peace and for those of us who remember celebrate life where others can no longer do so. Love in the end for me is what I pray for and for the angels that reside in heaven now that watch over those they had to part from on nine eleven.

(For Edward Disimone III and every soul lost on 9-11)

Where angels watch over us
From a place of peace and love
Although tragedy fell down
Lives lost, memories forged
Live each breath for love taken
For those who watch over us
Each soul remembered today
We go on for all those lost
Cherishing life and memories
Forever heart prints in heaven

Rest in peace the souls of 9 11